Scoot or Die (2017 Revised)

Today I was on a run through a nice neighbourhood. Running...gross I know. But anyways, I saw a kid riding a scooter. Of course, since I was on a run, and had nothing to take my mind off of my burning, aching legs, I went into deep thought about my childhood.
At first, seeing the scooter made me happy. I imagined my childhood home and cottage, riding my scooter and laughing beside my siblings. But then I remembered, I actually kind of hated that scooter.
In theory, they are a great idea, but when your brother and sister are on big kid bikes, and you are on a scooter, it’s literal hell.
Here’s all the reasons I hate scooters:
The vibrating, numbing feeling you get in your hands while riding on gravel.
You can’t hit even an ant hill or stone and keep motoring on.
They suck near the beach because the sand will get stuck in the wheel.
They move at a snail’s pace beside a bike.
Wearing a helmet on a scooter is social suicide.
I don’t know though, it was fun sometimes. I wonder if with technology improving, if that kid’s scooter has all the kinks worked out of it. It could be the BMW of scooters for all I know. Afterall, it was a rich neighbourhood. Is it socially acceptable to kick a kid off their scooter, and take it for a rip? Asking for a friend…
** I FUCKING KNEW scooters were gunna make a come back. Are the rental scooters in big cities the Beamers of scooters now? Is it cool again? Am I the loser on the bike? How’s the Parkinson's hands on it while going over gravel? Someone please inform me.