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Scoot or Die (2017 Revised)


Today I was on a run through a nice neighbourhood. Running...gross I know. But anyways, I saw a kid riding a scooter. Of course, since I was on a run, and had nothing to take my mind off of my burning, aching legs, I went into deep thought about my childhood.


At first, seeing the scooter made me happy. I imagined my childhood home and cottage, riding my scooter and laughing beside my siblings. But then I remembered, I actually kind of hated that scooter.


In theory, they are a great idea, but when your brother and sister are on big kid bikes, and you are on a scooter, it’s literal hell.


Here’s all the reasons I hate scooters:

  • The vibrating, numbing feeling you get in your hands while riding on gravel.

  • You can’t hit even an ant hill or stone and keep motoring on.

  • They suck near the beach because the sand will get stuck in the wheel.

  • They move at a snail’s pace beside a bike.

  • Wearing a helmet on a scooter is social suicide.

I don’t know though, it was fun sometimes. I wonder if with technology improving, if that kid’s scooter has all the kinks worked out of it. It could be the BMW of scooters for all I know. Afterall, it was a rich neighbourhood. Is it socially acceptable to kick a kid off their scooter, and take it for a rip? Asking for a friend…


** I FUCKING KNEW scooters were gunna make a come back. Are the rental scooters in big cities the Beamers of scooters now? Is it cool again? Am I the loser on the bike? How’s the Parkinson's hands on it while going over gravel? Someone please inform me.


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