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The Victim Mentality

Updated: Aug 11, 2023

boy frowning

The Victim Mentality can be difficult to speak about without sounding like a dickhead. I am still here to get uncomfortable with it, because it is HELLA important.

If you look up Victim Mentality on Wikipedia, it defines it as: "An acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case, in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances" ("Victim Mentality").

To simplify this, the victim mentality is thinking you are the victim of life or circumstances, without this actually being true.

Now, before I sound like a dickhead... there is a difference between being a victim/survivor of a crime or situation, and having the victim mentality.

Discussing this mentality is far from victim blaming.

For example, surviving an assault is different than thinking the world is against you because you got the wrong coffee, stubbed your toe, and got caught in a traffic jam on the way to work this morning.

With the latter, you think, "FUCK ME! Why me? Why today? Why is the universe conspiring against me? This would happen to me." Etc. Etc.

The victim mentality is that “poor me” mindset that comes with everyday inconveniences. It is that negative messaging played on repeat, without any self-acknowledgement, or actions to better oneself.

Additionally, it is very much tied to the "blame game" of others, vs. taking responsibility for your own actions.

For example, someone who is experiencing victim mentality thinks, "he makes me feel like I am not loved. He doesn't ask if he can help clean up, and I have to do everything around here!"

Let's see if we can own our actions a little bit more here.

Here's a translation.

"he makes me feel like I am not loved" "I make me feel like I am not loved"

"I make me feel like I am loved" "I can make me feel love"

"I make my love" "I am my love"

Also this. "He doesn't ask if he can help clean up and I have to do everything around here!" "He sometimes asks if he can clean up, and I choose to do everything around here" "I ask him to clean up, and I do everything around here" "I ask him to help, and I set boundaries around here"

"I can ask him to clean up and set boundaries" "I can ask for help and set boundaries" "I am safe to set boundaries and ask for help"

Does this hit? Look at the power shift between the first and last sentence of those statements.

See how I turned the "he" into an "I" statement and then made it true? I took out the pressure language (have to, makes me) and the projections (he). And I also removed the negations (doesn't, not, etc).

Sometimes turning the projections into yourself hurts like a b*tch. Because, it is easier to blame someone else, no?

However, if you want to feel powerful, you can use better language.

Your shitty language and victim mentality are the things that keep you stuck.

So, let me ask you... Are you playing victim, or are you playing into being the hero of your own story?

Because I am out here trying to be my own hero.

If you want to be more confident and more powerful, own your words and actions. See how that changes your life.

PS. while talking about being a victim, I must point out and acknowledge that I have a lot of privilege in my life. I am white, straight-sized, cis-gender, and have an average income. I get that. I recognize that. What I am saying is how can you step into YOUR own power? That looks different for everyone. We are all in charge of ourselves (as annoying as that may seem sometimes) 💕💕💕.

PPS. This post can be tough pill to swallow. You’re welcome for ruining your day in the best possible way 😉💊.


“Victim Mentality.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 15 Mar. 2023,

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