The topic of polarity can be as it sounds, polarizing.
Polarity is defined as “the state of having two opposite or contradictory tendencies, opinions, or aspects.” - Oxford University Press
It is becoming a hot topic today with the rise of dating and relationship talk on Tiktok, Instagram, and the like. (You've seen guys like this online by now, eh?)
It is always click-baity to have a strong opinion or “polarizing” thought. For example, “all men should…” or “all women should.”
While this makes a good 15 second clip, it hardly explains the complexities of the polarity of feminine and masculine energies. It also assumes there are only two genders, and it is that simple.
You get the videos of the women who say, “men should always provide everything for women. All I need to do is sit here and be pretty and everything that I want will come to me. I should never have to lift a finger or offer to pay for anything.” And you also get the men who say, “I don’t want my woman to have a career or any loud opinions. And she definitely cannot be outwardly sexual… even though I am secretly paying others on Only Fans, and going to the strip club every weekend. She must be submissive in every way. I am dominant RAAAAAH.”
And hey, if that works for these people, they might be a great fit… let them!!
For the rest of us, I want to discuss this topic from another perspective. One that is feminist-focused and with a deep acknowledgement of the importance of different energies. One that has been contemplating this very topic for a full year and hearing all sides of the topic to get a holistic view.
Here we go… The importance of tapping into different energies, as I see it.
Contrasting or dual energies (dualities) exist everywhere in nature. You can see it in dark/light, the sun/moon, winter/summer, etc. By being in contrast, they bring so much beauty to the other. They work synergistically by working in opposition. You may have heard the terms “yin and yang.” A traditional Chinese philosophy that depicts that opposite forces counterbalance one another.
In this context, the “yin” is the feminine energy. The “yang” is the masculine energy.
The feminine (yin) is defined by “being.” The feminine is intuitive, emotional, receptive, open in focus, fluid, and one of rest.
The masculine (yang) is defined by “doing.” The masculine in opposition is logical, cognitive, penetrative, closed in focus, and one of action.
The theory, both of these seem great, ya? Think about if you have more masculine traits, or more feminine traits. Would you say there are times where you are more in your masculine and more in your feminine?
I can almost guarantee this is true. Because although yin/yang can be related to your relationships, they can also explain the complexities within you. No matter your gender or sexuality.
At times, we are all called to tap into our feminine - such as supporting others through grief and death. And also allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and rest, while grieving ourselves. In contrast, we are also called to tap into our masculine while in most fast-paced workplaces and goal-oriented spaces.
Sometimes for women to be respected in leadership positions, she must tap into her masculine heavily. She then becomes part of “hustle culture.” There is nothing wrong with this if she is not burnt out and/or unhappy. However, there is a fine line of what fragile beings see as an “acceptable” level of masculine energy in a woman. When she goes heavily into her masculine, society calls her a “bitch” or “heartless” - even though we would never say the same to a man in the same position. The best example of these women in pop culture I can think of are Jessica in Suits and Olivia in Scandal. These examples of women in their masculine energy are dramatized for TV, but I think accurate in how some people see masculine energy in women.
So if that’s what happens when women are too in their masculine, what happens when they have no masculine and/or are in wounded feminine mode?
In my opinion, women must have a bit of masculine energy to survive in today’s society. I think it’s great to have any amount of it, if it works for you!! For me personally, I find I hit a wall of fatigue if I am always living in the “doing” state, vs. the “being” state. Ideally, I would like to have the masculine energy within me paint the outline of the picture to keep me structured, and then colour in the lines with my feminine. I then could be creative and take my time to flow: I also get done what I want to get done. All that changes is that I allow it to look how I want it to look, and I avoid the guilt and shame of not doing it a certain way.
I have to at a certain point state that I am discussing polarity from an incomplete perspective. There are of course more than 2 genders. However, to keep things simple, I will be discussing male/female. I totally respect that all genders can flow in any direction on this spectrum. Discussing polarity from a wider lens is even more interesting! We can save that for a future post.
The wounded feminine is everything you think of when you think of "feminine" as a negative trait. A strong feminine energy is in my opinion, the most powerful force. This energy heals people and is caretaking. Without it, we would not survive as a society.
The wounded feminine includes traits like being:
-insecure, needy, clingy, codependent, manipulative, passive aggressive, inauthentic, micromanaging, naive, over-apologetic, overemotional It has people showing up as/in: -avoidantly/anxiously attached, a victim, feeling guilty, a scarcity mindset, people pleasers, a damsel in distress, poor boundary setters, and afraid to express feelings.
See what I mean? Our feminine energy is not “weak.” It is when our feminine is wounded that we struggle deeply.
As Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.” It’s so ironic because we see vulnerability and emotion as great in other people, but when it is our turn to express how we are feeling, we consider it to be weak, shameful and dredged with inadequacy.
So what is the solution you ask? How do we tap into our energies at the right time? How do we use polarity as a skill?
Well, it depends where you are at with your energies. Do you feel like you have a nice balance of “doing” and “being”? Do you mix “feeling” and "thinking?” Do you feel shame and guilt often? How come? Do you allow yourself to experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure, or only when it is tied to an end goal?
There is so much more to discuss on this topic… However, if you feel you are heavily in your masculine energy, and you identify as a woman, I can help you tap into your feminine strength. Let's do this to tap into your intuition to avoid burnout!!! click the FREE & FEMININE link here to learn how I can help today.
And hey, if you took nothing else away from this post besides it is strong to be vulnerable and feel your emotions, then I am happy!! Thanks for listening to my rant... More to come.